also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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