did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
