Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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