Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
