And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
