Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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