Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
