Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
its liver damage thursday
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
