I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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