Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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