just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
