Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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