We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sext me about skeletons
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
