I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
