So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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