So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my poor anus
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
