Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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