if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
