i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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