obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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