I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
whose parrot is this?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
