Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
