If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
