YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
