omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
