I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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