i need an iv and a liver transplant
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
