Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
