if only i could text you this smell
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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