Kiss
Puke
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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