I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
