I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
