too bad you live with your parents still
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
