I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
