i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
