god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
