Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
