Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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