cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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