For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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