We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
