Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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