Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
