it was like his penis was on wheels.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
