If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
