i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
