i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
