I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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