...so i touched it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize