Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
