Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize