elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I need moral support for this bender
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
