i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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