Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
