I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
